so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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