i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
