Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
