do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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