Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
