was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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