Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
