you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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