Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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