thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
