TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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