he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
