My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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