it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
