why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
from now on my penis is your penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A+ Viking dick
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