So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize