Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
