I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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