cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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