took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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