This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize