Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
