i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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