He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
