The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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