there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
