i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
