Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
