we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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