Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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