wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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