I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
