another moral hangover. fuck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
