I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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