i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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