Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
