this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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