I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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