1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize