ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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