i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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