I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
