Don't make out with my wife yet
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my being single is dangerous.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
