Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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