I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
