I just saw a hot homeless man
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
