the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
