Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MIDGETS
????
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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