I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
