When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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