i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
