She said her name was "party"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
