I faked an abortion last night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
