you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
