bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
