Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize