yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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