Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize