Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
