please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
