ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
