God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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