Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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