So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
