My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
