Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So vagazzling was a success
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
