her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
