My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize