dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
