Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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