My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
