I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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