people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
