Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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