when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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