I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
