is your mom at the bar?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
