you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize