I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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