dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
