The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
