I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're completely useless in the revolution.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
