They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
