If i come over, it means nothing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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