I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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