Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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