Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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