Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
