I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We need to get me chipped asap
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
