Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
