I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize