It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
