I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize